Back to basics

I am feeling like I need to step back and close my mind. I tend to get so deep into my own thoughts, I get stuck in my mind, and life gets foggy. After a while it feels like everything has (or is supposed to have) some sort of deep, spiritual meaning, or lesson.

Well....sometimes that's just not true. Sometimes things happen that have absolutely nothing to do with me. I do not need to internalize everything, and sometimes I think I just need to lighten up.

After a lifetime of worrying if something, anything, everything I did was the cause of heartache, I am trying to accept that I have no control. I have told myself this over and over, but it's harder to live by than it is to say. I can be proactive and educated, avoid shitty things as much as possible. But not everything is avoidable.

As I say this, I worry that I am missing something. I live each day mildly terrified that something horrible will happen. My past would indicate that this is certainly possible, at any given moment.

 But I am trying to breathe, smile, and just enjoy this day.