Fall is here, and I am starting to get nervous. The past 2 winters have been tough, living in the country, all my family 5 hours away, and tiny babies in the house. By February I felt closed in, trapped and lonely. And saw no end to the isolation until spring. It's so hard to take 2 or 3 children, who can barely walk, outside when it's freezing cold. They can only handle short trips, and just getting them out the door takes almost an hour of prep work. It was generally chaotic and sweaty (well, for me anyway).
This year should be different. The twins are 2 1/2, my son is 18 months, and they can (for the most part) listen to commands, and walk on their own. The other day we went to town, and as we were walking to the truck it struck me that I didn't have to carry anyone. All three kids walked on their own from the house to the truck, and it felt awesome! It's slightly bittersweet because it means they're not babies anymore, but our independence as a family feels very liberating.
I'm also hoping to be back at work this winter. I'm scared shitless about it, but I need to be doing something meaningful outside of my home. How am I going to wrap my brain around caring for patients at work, then caring for my family and animals at home? I am hoping having a nanny will be the lifesaver here, because it all sounds very overwhelming to me. When will I ever get to shut my brain off?
The beautiful gift and curse of motherhood. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
