Twin flashback

I am remembering when the twins were little....when all they did was wiggle and squeak. And when they cried it didn't cause the neighbors to think I was beating them. They were so bald and chubby, in their "gender neutral" clothes.  Don't get me wrong, I had many days when I was overwhelmed and couldn't cope with another second (more nowadays, it seems), but I remember often thinking, "I could watch them do this all day". Even when they cried I found it adorable. 

As they scream in my face because I won't give them Goldfish crackers at 7am, I will try to remember this. 

Taking it all on

Ok, I am ready to go back to work now. I have been a stay at home mom for 2 years now, and I really love it. I have made many sacrifices to be able to stay at home. And I am not saying I want to work full time, but I am ready to have a life outside of my home. Somehow I feel like working will boost my confidence, maybe remind me that I am important to not just my little world, but the outside world too.

BUT...the biggest reason I want to go back to work, is so that we can have a nanny. Childcare would be much more expensive if I were to put the kids in daycare, not to mention the difficulty of getting 3 children under 2 out the door by 5:30am (*shudder*). A nanny is cheaper, and does laundry!

Anyway...having a nanny will also allow me time to spend with the kids. I'm not sure about other mums with lots of little ones, but I often feel guilt about not being able to spend enough one-on-one time with each child. I can see their behavior and attitude improve so much when they get time with each parent individually.

This is from our family photo shoot last august. Oh how the time flies. That sweet baby is now a whirlwind of mischief :)

I am also trying to lose my baby belly...slowly but surely. Having 3 babies in one year did a real number on my body. I don't expect to look like J Lo (not that I was ever happy with my body), but I HATE getting dressed. Each time I have to leave the house it's a struggle because I feel so uncomfortable with the "twinskin" under my clothes (google it, twinskin is a thing). So far I have lost about 15lbs, but I have quite a way to go before I am even in the healthy range for my height.

I am in a lull right now with diet and exercise...because I never sleep much. I did pretty good, and even enjoyed exercise two months ago. But since potty training, the twins are up many times each night. Combine that with their teething brother, and now an 8 week old puppy (I am insane, I know this) and I have nights when I am up 10 times. How the hell am I supposed to focus on eating right and exercising when I can't think straight? No, seriously...what is the answer to this? I beat myself to death about not being motivated, but it's not hard to understand why I can't muster the energy to go for a run at 9pm when I finally have a moment. Sigh. I don't mean to complain, I genuinely want to know how to do everything and not be a lunatic. HA.